RAGE

Welcome back true believers! Today's topic is rage. Not your Bruce Banner transforming rage, not your Weapon X rage, not the early 90s video game Primal Rage, just plain old, run of the mill road rage. I don't usually care if someone cuts me off..hey, I have done it too. Usually when I do it, it means I wasn't paying attention to where I was and would have missed a turn if I didn't. Not claiming that I am in the right, but I understand such situations. What brings me to the point of posting today though, is the "I gotta get ahead because that lane looks like it is moving faster" guy.

In the greater Hampton Roads area (like many areas that you all inhabit) there are bridges and tunnels. The roads leading to these structures usually have multiple lanes. The left hand lane will usually lead to an off ramp away from the tunnel, the center may be a left or straight option, and the right lane is "Hey, I am going through the tunnel". If I know that I am going through said tunnel, I will position myself in the right hand lane as early as possible. I will sit in the traffic as long as it takes, because that is the lane that I am supposed to be in. The thing that pisses me off is the guy/girl that feels the need to ride the left or center lane as far as humanly possible before jutting their Hot Wheels car in front of me in the right lane. Add to the fact that they have an aluminum (for Terence,aluminium) spoiler tack welded to the rear of their firberglass rice burner which I can only assume is so that he can fly it like a kite.

I normally listen to ESPN radio, or the Mike and Bob show (local 96X DJs) while driving. This is the best for me because it keeps my rage down. When some jackass decides that he wants to disobey all traffic etiquette during my drive home, I switch to Five Finger Death Punch or music of the sort. Does this have a calming effect? Nay nay. This only fuels my rage further. Why do I do such things to myself? Who knows? Maybe it is to scare the punk in the rice burning kite that is trying to avoid looking at me in his rear view mirror. Maybe it is to help me vent some of that rage so I don't get out in traffic and club the driver like a baby seal.

These are the same assholes that feel the need to move from the center lane to the right lane in the middle of an intersection (directly in front of the sign proclaiming "Do Not Block Intersection $100 Fine"). You, being the intelligent driver, realize that there is not enough room for you to get through the light and still not block the intersection, so you wait. This jackass sees the opening and pushes his car at a 45 degree angle into that same "opening".

So what do we do with these people? I am accepting creative ideas on how to stop the stupidity and make the roads safe for the rest of us. I propose license revocation and only allowing them to travel by short bus. They should all be fitted with hockey helmets. Go above and beyond and get them all uniforms that say "ASSHOLE" with a serial number. I am for physical punishment for stupidity offenses as many of you may have read previously. Sound off true believers...let me here your ideas of how to punish these people! Tune in next time...same Salty time, same Salty channel!

-Salty Dog