Monday, December 30, 2013

Breach of Contract

Welcome back, faithful followers. As many of you know, my blog is normally for me to have fun. I like to pick on the stupid things in life, point out ridiculous stories that I find, and complain about Netflix not carrying BJ and the Bear (that one I am serious about!). Today I am here with a legitimate bitch, even though it may be a selfish one. I know that I am not the only one out there who will be affected by this...hell, not even the only one of my friends.

My blog has never been political, or about politics at all. Today, we change that. When I joined the Navy in 1991, I was promised (in writing) a few things by the United States Government upon my completion of 20 years of service. Among those promises were a guarantee that I would receive 50% of my base pay per month, I would be able to retire at the age of 39, I would receive a blue ID card (and all benefits that the card includes), free medical coverage for all service connected injuries, and an annual cost of living allowance increase (COLA)...to name a few. There is currently a bill in Congress that is taking away the annual COLA for "non retirement age retirees". Now, when you read "non retirement age retirees", that may be confusing. When you do 20 years in the military, you are eligible to retire (from the military). "Retirement age" for the rest of the country is 62. So...being 42 and retired, makes me one of those non retirement age guys. What this means is, until I turn 62 years old I will not receive the COLA that the government guaranteed me...in writing. This turns out to be about 120,000.00 that I lose over that 20 year period.  This doesn't seem right to me.

I was no desert warrior over my 20 year career. I was not haze grey and underway for 20 years straight. I did, however, go when/where I was told to go...stay on the ship while in port because we were fast cruising...give up my right knee to the Navy due to years of steel decks..miss my family for months on end. I did what I agreed to do when I signed the dotted line and raised my right hand. Now, the government is changing the rules, after I fulfilled my end of the deal. This is a giant crock of shit. So tell me, Congress...tell me where I failed to live up to my end. Was it that I didn't lose my family because of the time you kept me away? Was it that I didn't give you BOTH of my knees? Was it my complaints to Netflix about BJ and the Bear not being in their library? Where was it that I failed to uphold my end of the contract? So if I, a lowly Deck Ape, can do what I promise...why is it that you, the United States Government, can't do the same?

What this boils down to, is a simple Breach of Contract. What course of action do we have? If we didn't hold up our end of the deal..the Gov't would take action. We, the People....can take no such action. I know that this will fall on deaf ears, but I needed to get it out of my head. Thanks for taking the time to read. Any help or info on where to go next is welcome. Until next time...Stay Salty.

-Salty Dog

Monday, October 21, 2013

Welcome to 1981

Hello good people! It has been four months since I sat down and had anything to write about. Last month I ran into a man named EXZAYVIER, and I almost had to write about it....but I passed. But this time, I went all Popeye, and I can'ts stands no more! So what is it that brings me here today? Is it to tell you about the new, hot podcast "Attack of the Fangirls" (check them on Facebook and iTunes)? Is it to answer the age old question, "who wrote the book of love"? Is it to organize a hostile takeover of Netflix so that they will finally show BJ and the Bear? Sadly...nay nay. What brings me to all of you on this crappy Monday is my nemesis PDDFL. For those of you not following along, that would be Puff Diddy Daddy Farty Licky (Sean Combs to some of you).

Those of us who remember the early 1980s, you may remember a little network that played music videos 24/7. It was oddly named MTV...Music TeleVision. MTV picked up the idea of Friday Night Videos and ran it all the time. People loved and wanted their MTV. MTV was FM radio for your eyes. You would hear a song on the radio, and rush to MTV to see if there was a video for the song yet. Today, MTV is full of "reality" programing and very few music videos...or music anything. Did MTV move away from music videos because America doesn't want to watch that anymore? Is it because YouTube makes music videos available on demand? Is it because there is no good music out there today, anyway? Well, none of these questions matter, because starting tonight....PDDFL is bringing you  Revolt TV.

PDDFL is starting his own television network, like he's Oprah or something. Revolt TV is going to be a 24 hour music video channel. 30 years later, PDDFL decides to remake MTV. Piss Dookie is trying to bring the YouTube audience back to television. I would be the first one to say that this is going to fail miserably....but I also said that his attempt to rap would fail miserably. He found a way to use the death of Biggie Smalls to carry him long enough to make a record of his own, so who knows what he's going to do with Revolt. The first 24 hours will be Bad Boy videos? All Biggie, all the time? The resurgence of Mase? Ooooh, one can only hope.

Does the world need an MTV reboot? Will those of you in the Time Warner Cable area be tuning in? Should someone stop Piss Dookie from destroying our childhood memories? Check out his teaser here RevoltTV. I know that I am anti-PDDFL, but if any of you see this as a good idea, please let me know. Okay kids, off to get some work done. Hopefully next time we meet won't be four months from now. Until next time....Stay Salty.

- Salty Dog

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Can't Stands No More

Greetings from the abyss! I have returned. I know it has been awhile since I put fingers to keys, but I'm getting fed up. And when I get fed up, I need to purge...What is it that could pull me away from enjoying my backyard oasis, just to come here? Is it that the new Yeezy album is on the streets today? Nay to the Nay. Is it to tell you to go over to www.kingsofsport.com and listen to a great podcast? (maybe...but not my primary goal). Is it to, once again, beg you all to join me in a march on Netflix so that they will bring us BJ and the Bear? YES!....but nay nay for the time being. What brings me here today is the treatment of the Flag.

If, for some freak reason, you don't know...I did 20 years in the United States Navy. I started my career on February 19, 1991. For those that may not remember, this was the beginning of Operation Desert Shield. Did I join the Navy for college money? Did I join the Navy for the travel? Did I join the Navy to get away from Hyde Park? Nay nay....I joined the Navy because I was a Patriot, and I felt it was my duty to protect this country, its flag, and what it stands for. I have since retired from the Navy, but I am still a Patriot, and am here today because assholes in our own country are desecrating the Flag.

Last week, HGTV decided that they would send out their recommendations for Summer party decorations. That's cool, HGTV is that type of company. They tell you how to hang red, white, and blue banners around your yard. They tell you how to use Cool Whip, strawberries, and blueberries to make a festive 4th of July dessert. They tell you to use an American Flag as a tablecloth. Wait, what? HGTV actually told Americans to "Drape a large American Flag over the table as a bright and festive table runner." "Use a nylon flag, so spills can easily be wiped off and the flag can later be hung with pride on a flag pole." WHAT? Are you kidding me? Feel free to spill your food and drink all over the symbol of our country. Then wipe it off and run it up the pole and honor it? Don't they make "flag themed" table runners? Should we wipe our mouths on the flag too? Nay, they make flag themed napkins. Why in the world would you suggest using an actual flag for these purposes? HGTV has since apologized for this suggestion, but only because they were under heavy fire from the people of America.

Yesterday, Lil' Wayne made world wide news. Was it because he is such an incredible artist? Was it because he got a new tattoo? Was it because he claimed to have sex with a woman with a  baseball bat? Nay nay...it is because he has a new video on the street where he walks on the American Flag. If you want to see this mess, just Google Lil' Wayne American Flag, I am not showing it here.  The song is titled "God Bless Amerika" and contains the lyrics: “My country ‘tis of thee/ sweet land of kill ‘em all and let ‘em die/ God bless Amerika/ This so godless Amerika … the stars on the flag are never shining.” First off, it doesn't even rhyme!! His assault on hip hop disgusts me almost as his assault on the country that my shipmates and I vowed to defend. He has since attempted to apologize by saying that his stepping on the flag was an accident. He says that the flag was supposed to fall to the ground behind him, but he was not scripted to step on it. This brings a few things to mind; why not edit that part out of your video if it was an "accident"? Why would you think it was okay to let the Flag fall to the ground in the first place? Why in the blue hell do you want to continue living here if you feel this way about our country? Why didn't you apologize for writing and performing shitty music? 

All Lil' Wayne talks about it being knee deep, waist deep, neck deep in his women. Hey Wayne... you can have all of those women...it sounds like you can drive a truck through them. You can even continue making awful music for the youth of today who don't know what real hip hop is. What you cannot do in this country, is desecrate the Flag. You, sir, are a giant trough of douche. You not only disrespected the symbol of this country, but all the men and women who fought and died in order to protect it. I would protest your music and no longer listen to you...but I don't listen to you anyway. In closing...Fuck HGTV  and Fuck Wayne. Until next time...Stay Salty.

-Salty Dog

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Bandwagon

Welcome back faithful few! It has been a bit since I have been here to bother you with my ramblings, but here I am. What is it that brings me back to you all? Is it to discuss how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a  Tootsie Pop? Is it to complain about Michael Rooker's character being killed off on The Walking Dead? Is it to, once again, exhibit my hatred toward Netflix for not streaming BJ and the Bear? Nay nay, good people. What brings me here today is the Bandwagon.

I have been a life long Yankees fan, that includes the 1980s when they were a giant pile of crap in the Bronx. I have been a Jets fan forever....and I don't need to tell you all how bad they have been since before I was born. Rangers fan...1994 was an anomaly, we kinda suck. Knicks fan...don't even get me started. It was cool to be a Mets fan in 86, Islanders fan in the 70s, Giants fan for many years...not this guy. All of my friends know this about me; I am loyal to my teams no matter what the public opinion. This carries over to everything else in my life, too. I am loyal, and my friends know this. What does this have to do with anything?

There are many people out there that support the troops. There are many people out there that support breast cancer awareness. There are many people who support equal rights for same sex couples. The problem with all of this is that there are many MORE people who just put the magnets on their car, or wear the shirt, or (most recently) change their Facebook profile picture because that is the "in" thing to do. People would rather "fly the flag" than be called out for NOT supporting the issue.

For those of you who have been asking what the pink equal sign on the red background in everyone's profile picture is.. it is a show of support for same sex marriage. Those of you who are my Facebook friends will notice that my profile picture is me and Kurtis Blow. Does this mean that I do not support gay marriage? Once again I must say "nay nay". I fully believe that anyone should be able to marry the person that they love; no matter who that person is. The thing with me, is that my friends already know that I support them. A picture on my Facebook page is unnecessary. My friends are my friends, I don't have friend categories. I don't have straight friends and gay friends...I have friends. And my friends know that I support them no matter what.

 Groupies are allowed to marry convicted murderers while they are in jail, and there is no outcry against that. But if two guys or two girls who are in love with each other want to get married, half of the country loses its shit. The only argument I have heard on this whole issue is "the bible says it's wrong". Well the bible isn't the governing document for this country; it is the Constitution. This is why we have a separation between church and State, so someone's interpretation of a piece of (fictional) literature doesn't determine how we all live. I am not saying that religious people should change their way of thinking, because I know that is a losing battle. What I am saying is don't let religious views influence the laws of this country.

No worries children, I am almost off of my soapbox as my fake knee is beginning to bother me. So if you believe in equality for all men and women across the board, by all means, keep up the good work. For those of you who allow religion to determine what you think, you probably stopped reading as soon as you saw the word "gay", so my words to you would be wasted anyway. But, if by some freak of nature, you are still here....answer me this; how will two guys who love each other getting married affect you personally? That's right...it won't! How will two girls in love getting married affect you? That's right...it won't! So if this will not change your life in any way, why do you have an issue with it? Better yet, why should your opinion matter to the rest of us? And lastly...for those of you who are afraid to be called out and changed your profile picture because everyone else was doing it...listen to EPMD and Get Off The Bandwagon! Until next time....Stay Salty.

-Salty Dog




Monday, January 14, 2013

By The Time I Get To Arizona

Greetings all. I hope your New Year started off well. For those of you following, I am 16 pounds into my Operation Anti-Disco Three. 16 pounds closer to Bill Winters hand delivering the DVD collection that Netflix refuses to carry....yes, BJ and the Bear! But that is not what brings me here today. Is it to discuss Jodie Foster coming out of the closet on the Golden Globes? Is it to argue once again that Starbuck wasn't a woman (that's for you, Terence)? Don't think that I have forgotten about Netflix, the big red rig, and the ape in people clothes, either. But....nay nay...these are not the reasons that I am here today.
                                                       
Many of you may remember the 1991 Public Enemy release "By The Time I Get To Arizona". This was about Arizona not recognizing Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday as a holiday. This was a huge black eye (irony) for the state of Arizona. People threatened to stop visiting the state, cactus viewing was down, and the Super Bowl was moved away from the state. The state finally came to its senses and voted to acknowledge MLK Jr's birthday as a holiday. But what does any of this have to do with why I am here?

The University of Arizona is offering Hip Hop as a minor! The State that would not acknowledge the importance of the Civil Rights movement now wants its students to compare Rakim and KRS One? I am wondering if I can get my bachelor's in Information Systems and Minor in Hip Hop? I checked, U of Arizona offers their degree programs online. I am almost willing to pay out of pocket to get my degree from them just so I can minor in Hip Hop. The debates that I could have with other students (who are mostly "college age") on this topic would be borderline epic. The thing that is slowing me down on this is the fact that they will probably get into PDDFL and Weezy, and I may completely lose it. I will have to look into this further, and see if this is possible. Hopefully I will figure it out by the time I get to Arizona.

I know that this post went nowhere for most of you, but the fact that I can study the impact of Public Enemy's "By The Time I Get To Arizona", on the State of Arizona, at the University of Arizona just makes it all worth while. So, until next time....Stay Salty.

-Salty Dog

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Fat Boys Are Back


Welcome back, faithful few. It is that time of year when everyone sets unrealistic goals that they have no plans of following through on. But, as many of you may be saying to yourself now, "This year is going to be different!" So what brings fingers to keys? Is it the death of a dumb ass paparazzo trying to catch Justin Bieber smoking weed in his Ferrari? Is it to compare the fiscal cliff to Clifford the Big Red Dog? Is it to chastise you all for not getting me the BJ and the Bear series for Christmas? Let's start this year off with a hearty "Nay Nay". I am here today to talk about how fat I've gotten, and what I am going to do about it.

When I joined the Navy in 1991 I was 19 years old and 137lbs. Now, for those of you that knew me back then, you know I was a bit underweight. After 18 years of marriage (read: good eating), 4 knee surgeries (read: no exercise), and being 41 years old (read: just plain lazy) I have reached Hindenburg proportions and now tip the scales at 257lbs! I understand that as we get older, our metabolism slows and blah blah blah...I have become a member of the Disco Three (read: Fat Boys). The fact that it is early January has nothing to do with my plan to reach a healthier weight of 185.  The mirror was the driving force more than the time of year.


I have a new pool, and I refuse to be sunning myself poolside and have to worry about Greenpeace rushing in to my yard and pushing me back in the water. I do not wish to be featured on an episode of Whale Wars. I will instead, starve myself, drink enough water to drown a fish, buy one of those belt driven fat machines (seen here), or whatever it takes to get myself back to fighting weight. My plan is to be down around 200 by Summer. For any of you (like Bill) who are on this journey with me...let's kick some fat ass! Don't do it because it's January and you think you are supposed to. Don't do it because Jessica Simpson is on TV telling you that SHE did it. Do it because you know, and can admit, that you are a fat ass and you need to change. For all of you guys out there...as you recall, Mix-A-Lot likes big butts. Do you want to be on his list? Are you looking to make your woman check you out, or do you want to hook up with Mix-A-Lot?  Either way is cool with me, but is Mix on my list? I say nay nay.

So fat people of the world UNITE...it is time to lose the weight. And I swear, if I get down to 185 SOMEBODY had better get me the BJ and the Bear series on DVD. Until next time people...Stay Salty!

-Salty Dog