Welcome back true believers. People send me things....often. They send me stories, forwarded emails, hate mail, they send me all kinds of things. Some of my favorite stuff comes from AOL News and Yahoo! News. The fact that AOL and Yahoo come before the word news makes it about as reliable as the word Fox coming before the word news. Today is no different. I received an email with a link enclosed that took me to Yahoo news. Not only did it take me to Yahoo news, but it took me to the Politics tab within. I figure it is some right wing weirdo sending me something that says "Obama To Be One Term President; Republican Witch Casts Spell" (I know, I know.."I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch. But you are dressed like one....") But was it a story about Obama? Nay nay...it was a story about an Ass X-ray!
Kim Kardashian had her ass X-rayed to prove that it was "untouched". I think that half of the NBA and NFL would tell you that there isn't an X-ray in the world that could prove that. Number one...why are any of the Kardashian's (aside from Daddy) famous? Bruce Jenner is their stepfather, I could even see him still being famous. I think I have a Wheaties box around here somewhere with his picture on it. But Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney (why do they feel like Mortal Kombat characters with all of those Ks?) are famous for no reason at all. And no matter what any of you try to tell me, they are not attractive either. So all that I can come up with is that they are famous (a la Paris Hilton) because of their father. So Kim undergoes a shot of radiation to her ass for no reason other than to tell the world that she has not had anything implanted in it (again..NBA and NFL challenge this statement). Who gives a shit if her ass is real or not? Has Jennie from the block ever run out and had an X-ray of her ass to prove to the world that it is real? Nay nay.
This madness needs to stop. Stop fawning over pseudo-celebrities and their body parts so that I can stop getting emails like this that piss me off for no good reason. The fact that I am even writing a blog that contains the name Kardashian should have me flogged. If you all stop talking about her, maybe she will be like Rex Manning and just "fade away". (for those that can name that reference, you get a button that says Stu-pid.) Not only am I pissed that this crap floods the news....it is in the Politics section of the news!!!. See for yourself Here.
Okay kiddies, that is all for today. I have much better things to do with myself than talk about a Kardashian or her ass X-rays. Until next time...Stay Salty.
-Salty Dog
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Are You Kidding Me?
Okay, I know I just wrote yesterday. I know the more that I write, the more pretentious I appear. I also don't much care because when the news/mood strikes me...I write. The title of this blog could be nothing but Are You Kidding Me? I avoid the news in general because it depresses me. I happened to be checking out CNN today (because I am trying to contract ADD by trying to watch all the scrolls at the same time) and came across this story.
First let me start by saying that I didn't even know that there were Amish people in Indiana. Second, I didn't know that they allowed cell phones in the community. Unless 21 year old William Yoder was on Rumspringa (which I thought was done during teen years), they have allowed cell phone usage. Mr. Yoder decided that he was going to send nasty text messages, pictures, and videos to a 12 year old girl. Did he send one of each? Two or three? Nay nay...600 messages were sent between this dumbass and a 12 year old girl. The girl (good for her) told her parents about it (about 599 messages too late in my opinion) and they called the police. Yoder texted to set up a meeting with the girl and told her that he would be arriving in a horse drawn carriage. Not even Puff Diddy Daddy Farty Licky rolls in a horse drawn carriage. The police were there waiting for him...and he actually arrived in the carriage.
Dumbass Yoder was arrested on the spot (no question about if it were him or not) and held on 20,000 dollars bail. This leads me to the title...Are You Kidding Me? My favorite part about the story is his statement when caught. You would think he was just on an episode of To Catch A Predator. He said that having sex with this girl would have been a bad decision and he had never done anything like this before. Are You Kidding Me? Sex with a 12 year old would be a bad idea? Someone needs to stab this dude with a pitchfork or some other Amish instrument of destruction. I guess Weird Al needs to amend his song Amish Paradise...these people are going off the deep end and quick! Hey, maybe PDDFL can help him write a new version and say Bad (Amish) Boy all over the track.
Where do they find these people? Oh yeah, in the Amish section of Indiana. They need to lock this ass up and bunk him with Wesley Snipes so he can do some of his martial arts on him. Kick his ass Blade!! Alright, enough of the bonus blog. I will be back again when the world turns funny again. Until next time...Stay Salty.
-Salty Dog
First let me start by saying that I didn't even know that there were Amish people in Indiana. Second, I didn't know that they allowed cell phones in the community. Unless 21 year old William Yoder was on Rumspringa (which I thought was done during teen years), they have allowed cell phone usage. Mr. Yoder decided that he was going to send nasty text messages, pictures, and videos to a 12 year old girl. Did he send one of each? Two or three? Nay nay...600 messages were sent between this dumbass and a 12 year old girl. The girl (good for her) told her parents about it (about 599 messages too late in my opinion) and they called the police. Yoder texted to set up a meeting with the girl and told her that he would be arriving in a horse drawn carriage. Not even Puff Diddy Daddy Farty Licky rolls in a horse drawn carriage. The police were there waiting for him...and he actually arrived in the carriage.
Dumbass Yoder was arrested on the spot (no question about if it were him or not) and held on 20,000 dollars bail. This leads me to the title...Are You Kidding Me? My favorite part about the story is his statement when caught. You would think he was just on an episode of To Catch A Predator. He said that having sex with this girl would have been a bad decision and he had never done anything like this before. Are You Kidding Me? Sex with a 12 year old would be a bad idea? Someone needs to stab this dude with a pitchfork or some other Amish instrument of destruction. I guess Weird Al needs to amend his song Amish Paradise...these people are going off the deep end and quick! Hey, maybe PDDFL can help him write a new version and say Bad (Amish) Boy all over the track.
Where do they find these people? Oh yeah, in the Amish section of Indiana. They need to lock this ass up and bunk him with Wesley Snipes so he can do some of his martial arts on him. Kick his ass Blade!! Alright, enough of the bonus blog. I will be back again when the world turns funny again. Until next time...Stay Salty.
-Salty Dog
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
And Now, Message From Your Pants
Good day all, and welcome back! There hasn't been much to write about lately, so I have taken to the streets for inspiration. When I say "the streets", I mean I have actually left the house and gone out and about to see what was out there. What I found does not surprise me, but it does continue to irritate me. Let me enlighten you all...
Remember when we were kids? Those of us with older siblings or cousins that passed their "lightly used" clothing down to us? Yes, I am talking about hand me downs. Hand me downs didn't always fit us like new clothes would, but hey...we grew into them! This was an excuse for our clothes not to fit properly; "hey, this was my cousins shirt, I thought it was cool and he let me have it." Or "these were my brother's jeans, get off me." This was socially acceptable and not frowned upon by the community. You may have gotten teased about it, but that was all part of growing up.
Then there was the fad with the baggy pants. Baggy pants were also socially accepted and just looked at as a fashion trend that would pass in time. When the baggy pants became the norm, people started buying them too large in the waist in order to let their underwear show. I guess this was some sort of rebellion phase, or maybe they just couldn't afford a belt...either way, I never understood. This was a very irritating fad..I always wanted to go tell the dumbass to pull up his pants. I, of course, blame Puff Diddy Daddy Farty Licky for this...but then again, I blame him for everything.
All of this is old news to everyone, so what brings me here today? Skinny jeans on boys. As I was traveling about the Hampton Roads area I began to see them everywhere. These are the same pants that "Yo" had on in my Fast Food blog. Not only are these things so tight that they look like they are painted on... but they are wearing them around the middle of their ass cheeks and showing 6 inches of underwear at the same time!!! Who lets these kids out of the house like this? Who buys these pants for their son? I actually asked someone wearing these pants if they had taken them from their sister's closet. These are the dumbest things I have ever seen, and we need to find a way to make it stop. I recommend to any parent that has a son wearing these things...go out and get yourself a pair and wear them around him and his friends. Hell, buy them too short so that they won't go over your ass..then you will apparently be REALLY cool. The kids will see their dads wearing them and immediately stop wearing them.
Take a stand people...don't buy this crap for your kids. If you do, do something about it and buy some for yourself to wear around them and their friends. Go all Susan Powter and "Stop the Insanity!" Parents still make the rules, "my house, my rules" right? I always took the Chris Rock theory of child raising to be gospel, but it only pertains to girls. "You've got one mission in life. Keep you daughter off the pole." Now I am starting my own..."...Keep your son out of the bath house!" Keep putting those skinny jeans on him and see what happens. For all of you who do wear these stupid clothes, and they are not hand me downs...I have a message from your pants..."I DON'T FIT YOU!!". Until next time... Stay Salty.
-Salty Dog
Remember when we were kids? Those of us with older siblings or cousins that passed their "lightly used" clothing down to us? Yes, I am talking about hand me downs. Hand me downs didn't always fit us like new clothes would, but hey...we grew into them! This was an excuse for our clothes not to fit properly; "hey, this was my cousins shirt, I thought it was cool and he let me have it." Or "these were my brother's jeans, get off me." This was socially acceptable and not frowned upon by the community. You may have gotten teased about it, but that was all part of growing up.
Then there was the fad with the baggy pants. Baggy pants were also socially accepted and just looked at as a fashion trend that would pass in time. When the baggy pants became the norm, people started buying them too large in the waist in order to let their underwear show. I guess this was some sort of rebellion phase, or maybe they just couldn't afford a belt...either way, I never understood. This was a very irritating fad..I always wanted to go tell the dumbass to pull up his pants. I, of course, blame Puff Diddy Daddy Farty Licky for this...but then again, I blame him for everything.
All of this is old news to everyone, so what brings me here today? Skinny jeans on boys. As I was traveling about the Hampton Roads area I began to see them everywhere. These are the same pants that "Yo" had on in my Fast Food blog. Not only are these things so tight that they look like they are painted on... but they are wearing them around the middle of their ass cheeks and showing 6 inches of underwear at the same time!!! Who lets these kids out of the house like this? Who buys these pants for their son? I actually asked someone wearing these pants if they had taken them from their sister's closet. These are the dumbest things I have ever seen, and we need to find a way to make it stop. I recommend to any parent that has a son wearing these things...go out and get yourself a pair and wear them around him and his friends. Hell, buy them too short so that they won't go over your ass..then you will apparently be REALLY cool. The kids will see their dads wearing them and immediately stop wearing them.
Take a stand people...don't buy this crap for your kids. If you do, do something about it and buy some for yourself to wear around them and their friends. Go all Susan Powter and "Stop the Insanity!" Parents still make the rules, "my house, my rules" right? I always took the Chris Rock theory of child raising to be gospel, but it only pertains to girls. "You've got one mission in life. Keep you daughter off the pole." Now I am starting my own..."...Keep your son out of the bath house!" Keep putting those skinny jeans on him and see what happens. For all of you who do wear these stupid clothes, and they are not hand me downs...I have a message from your pants..."I DON'T FIT YOU!!". Until next time... Stay Salty.
-Salty Dog
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