Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Video Games Ruining Your Life

Welcome back children...we are on the road again. Your friend and humble narrator is a large proponent of video games. I have played every system from the original TelStar (pong), all the way up to the PS3. There is not a video game system that I have not played at least once. I owned many of them between my youth and my current status..whatever that may be. I now own a PS2, PS3, and Wii. My children each have a DSi and my oldest has a PSP. Video games are a part of life as we know it.

Games have increased mental focus, eye/hand coordination, and in some cases....intelligence. I know that there are educational games and systems geared at teaching children reading and math. But now..your Federal Government is getting involved in the video gaming world! They are spending approximately $435,000 of YOUR money to develop an avatar based video game to help pre teen girls resist the peer pressure to have sex. The University of Central Florida which is best known for.....being in the middle of Florida??...is working on this yet to be named game with a scheduled release for 2011.

The game will reward you with points for certain social skill tasks performed in a virtual world. Is this a Sims type game where you watch your character walk around the screen and talk to people? Nay nay! You will be wearing a full motion capture suit that will put you in the skin of a teenage girl (a la Leatherface). You are then put in teen girl situations like, walking around the mall, or going to a party, or moping around dressed in black, all emo-like. Then in come the evil boys...trying to get at your goods!! A boy may come up to you and ask you to make out...or he may make some innuendo..your job?? RESIST!

This game is sure to become a hit, and girls all over the world will learn the skills that they need to resist boys' advances! But what if this game works TOO well? What if this message carries over to later in the girl's life and women all over the world refuse to get down due to the insidious influence of anti-sex mo-cap suit gaming? Society will devolve into chaos just like the movie Children of Men, and within a single generation all human life will be extinguished. Good job University of Central Florida, you have doomed all of humanity!

While video games are a great source of stress relief, entertainment, and education....so is sex! Let's not let the "braniacs" at such institutes of higher learning as the University of Central Florida destroy all that this country has worked to create! Who's coming with me? Let us put a stop to this insanity before it is too late! Until next time campers....Stay Salty.

-Salty Dog

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

For the Love of the Game

Greetings from the abyss! Welcome back true believers, I have missed you all. I have been gone from the blogosphere lately due to my love of baseball. I have just completed a tour as Coach of the 9 and 10 year old All Star team. We just finished our journey by landing in the 7th place position in the state of Virginia. Not too bad if I say so myself. With all of this pride and joy, what could I possibly have to complain about here, you may be asking yourself. Well, my fine feathered friends, let me tell you.....

When assembling an All Star team, you have many, many kids to choose from. How do you make such decisions? There is a two hour meeting with the managers from the regular season...they put very much thought into which kids have earned their position here, which ones will work best together, and which ones have that something special that can't be defined. As many of you know, there are 9 players on the field at a time in the great game of baseball. We also carry 3 bench players on the team. Those 3 bench players HAVE to meet the minimum playing requirements for each game of 3 consecutive outs in the field, and one at bat per game. It is the Manager and Coaches jobs to figure out when and where to get those 3 kids into the game where it will best benefit the team. Follow me here...Manager and Coaches JOB. Those of us who have volunteered for these positions, were chosen by the League President for these positions, who are QUALIFIED and PROVEN to know what we are doing.

12 kids chosen from a league of approximately 48. This is an honor in itself, to be chosen as a member of this team. Parents.....parents are fans...fans are fickle...fans suck sometimes. When your child is on the field, he is under the direction of the Coaches...stop trying to tell your kid what to do, or worse...tell the Coaches what to do with your kid. You need to keep yourself outside the fence....or step up and become a Coach. This tournament was a big deal...the kids made it out of District and well into the State tournament. Be happy for your child, be happy for his team, just shut up and be happy! It was spoiled by parents treating their child like the boy in the bubble. "Someone told my child that he made a mistake! How dare you tell my child he isn't perfect!" This causes friction amongst the team and this makes for bad times on the field and in the dugout.

There is no Derek Jeter on this team, there is no David Wright on this team, these are 10 year old boys who are playing because they love baseball. The attitudes of some of these kids is that of high school ball players. They understand the game, they want what is best for the team, they understand that even though they were a second baseman during the regular season, maybe the Coach needs their speed in Center Field. The attitudes of some of the parents is that of a kindergarten child. Why can't my kid pitch? (Because your kid's arm isn't strong enough!) Why can't my kid play 3rd base? (Because he has NEVER played 3rd base and he will get himself hurt playing there) Why is my kid only playing one inning per game? (Because your kid has struck out every time we have ever put him in!). Parents need to understand that there are 12 All Stars out there on that team...not 1. The team rises together, the team falls together. While it is ultimately their play that determines wins and losses, the Coaches come up with the strategy and what is best for the team. Parents, stay outside the fences! We love hearing you cheer for the kids...it motivates them like nothing else. We love that you are there day in and day out supporting the team. We HATE that you think you can coach better than we can, yet have no desire to prove it by volunteering your time like we have. If you think you can do it..please, by all means, come do it. We would love the help!

Also...I am not a baby sitter, I am a coach. Do not drop your kid off with me for two hours a night, go do your grocery shopping, go to the club, whatever the hell you are doing while I am teaching your child the game of baseball. Do not expect me to drive your child 7 hours away so that he can play in a tournament and then complain that he didn't enjoy the ride. Do not send your child 7 hours away with 3/4 of his uniform and expect me to buy him the rest so that he can play. Do not show up for 2 days of a 5 day tournament and then complain that your child wasn't fed exactly what he likes to eat. Do not send him away for 5 days with zero money in his pocket! Step up and do your job as a parent and fan! If you want your kid to play more, take him out and practice with him at times when he isn't with me. Don't dump him off with the coaches and think that we can turn him into Alex Rodriguez when you do nothing to help at home or on weekends. I can teach your child for 3 months a year...that leaves you with the other 9. Stop blaming the coaches that work their ass off during their "free time" to help your kid, when you do absolutely nothing on your own to help your own kid.

Okay people...the ride is once again underway. Keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times. If you are one of these parents, I hope you now see the other side of the coin. If you are a coach, I hope I can be a voice for your thoughts. And as always...until next time...Stay Salty.

-Salty Dog