Of all the things that have been said about me...safety conscious has never been one of them. But today, the Salty One brings you a bit of a public service announcement. Don't run with scissors, don't play with fire, don't stick things up your nose, and don't pour flamable liquids into your eyeball. Wait, you have never heard that last one? Your mom never taught you that growing up? Well that is because it is commone sense for the general public. But some people's kids.....
Let me introduce you to the latest fad amongst stupid kids...Vodka Eyeballing. Is this as simple and stupid as it sounds? Yes. These kids are sitting around drinking vodka...and they decide "hey, how about I put that bottle opening up to my eyeball and dump it in?" Does this help in getting drunk quicker? Nay nay. This just burns the cornea for the sake of stupidity (see earlier blog on stupidity). So not only are these people stupid, now they are intentionally going blind for the sake of a laugh! This is going to lead to your tax dollars paying for their disability. Not to mention that it is a complete waste of good vodka!
When we were young, we did some stupid stuff. We drank Cisco, and that in itself was such a grave mistake that it was taken off the market! Along with that pain, we drank St. Ides which was a "high gravity" malt liquor. Exactly what that means, I will never know. Why will I never know...they took THAT off the market too. What can we do to stop the new crop of idiots and their eyeball nuking? You can't take vodka off the market, you can't flog them for being stupid...guess Darwin will have to step in and regulate the gene pool. Just like the kids that are into Jenkem. Jenkem is such a vile act, that I will not describe it, just click on the link.
I know this was short, but I couldn't let this stupidity go unaddressed. Next time will be more fun, I promise. Take this PSA as you will. Until next time..Stay Salty.
-Salty Dog
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Ninjas Loose on Oceanfront!
Welcome back campers...and greetings from sunny Virginia. Virginia Beach is a summer "hotspot" for people in colder climates (like New York) in the late Spring until the early Fall. We have sun, sand, theme parks nearby, the ocean, and now apparently...for your vacationing pleasure...NINJAS! You read that correctly, ninjas on the oceanfront!
So you decide to visit sunny Virginia Beach, you are wandering down Pacific Avenue (one block from the beach)...you pass multiple 7-Elevens, eclectic eateries, the occassional night club. You are enjoying your walk and taking in the scenery, until....you are struck from behind with a...wait for it...samurai sword! This is exactly what happened to Dominican exchange student Diego Taveras. Wandering around Virginia Beach at 8pm, taking in the sights and lo and behold..ninja attack! He was sliced on his back, head, face, and lost part of his hand.
I have heard of Ninja Gaiden, Ninja Warrior (on SpikeTV), the movie Ninja Assassin, and even Chris Farley as Beverly Hills Ninja. What I do not expect is 34 year old Jeremie Allen Orton (notice the usage of all three names..the mark of all assissins) to be roaming the streets of Virginia Beach acting as the Virginia Ninja. Although it has a nice ring to it...it is slightly insane. A 34 year old man that wanders into Ocean Mystique to purchase a samurai sword and goes on a hack and slash spree? Insane, yes? Normal..nay nay.
Where to they find these whack jobs, and why do they send them here? Also, how does it take 3 days to locate this guy after the attack? Is it his superior training as a Ninja that kept him hidden amongst the masses? Does everyone wandering the oceanfront this time of year have a samurai sword strapped to their back? Did he slip up and try to attack a superior ninja who was also an undercover police officer? Who knows! The one thing that I can tell you, is that I will be spending my nights in my personal swimming pool. I will not blindly walk the boardwalk of Virginia Beach knowing that there may be more ninjas there waiting for prey. Or better yet, someone who thinks he is the Predator and grows out his dreadlocks and thinks he is invisible. Guess I will have to coat myself in mud before I go wandering the oceanfront from now on, just as a precautionary measure.
Alright true believers, not so much a rant this time, just sharing a little local stupidity. Until next time...wear your kevlar, stay current on your anti ninja training, and for Pete's sake...stay away from the oceanfront at night! Stay Salty!
-Salty Dog
So you decide to visit sunny Virginia Beach, you are wandering down Pacific Avenue (one block from the beach)...you pass multiple 7-Elevens, eclectic eateries, the occassional night club. You are enjoying your walk and taking in the scenery, until....you are struck from behind with a...wait for it...samurai sword! This is exactly what happened to Dominican exchange student Diego Taveras. Wandering around Virginia Beach at 8pm, taking in the sights and lo and behold..ninja attack! He was sliced on his back, head, face, and lost part of his hand.
I have heard of Ninja Gaiden, Ninja Warrior (on SpikeTV), the movie Ninja Assassin, and even Chris Farley as Beverly Hills Ninja. What I do not expect is 34 year old Jeremie Allen Orton (notice the usage of all three names..the mark of all assissins) to be roaming the streets of Virginia Beach acting as the Virginia Ninja. Although it has a nice ring to it...it is slightly insane. A 34 year old man that wanders into Ocean Mystique to purchase a samurai sword and goes on a hack and slash spree? Insane, yes? Normal..nay nay.
Where to they find these whack jobs, and why do they send them here? Also, how does it take 3 days to locate this guy after the attack? Is it his superior training as a Ninja that kept him hidden amongst the masses? Does everyone wandering the oceanfront this time of year have a samurai sword strapped to their back? Did he slip up and try to attack a superior ninja who was also an undercover police officer? Who knows! The one thing that I can tell you, is that I will be spending my nights in my personal swimming pool. I will not blindly walk the boardwalk of Virginia Beach knowing that there may be more ninjas there waiting for prey. Or better yet, someone who thinks he is the Predator and grows out his dreadlocks and thinks he is invisible. Guess I will have to coat myself in mud before I go wandering the oceanfront from now on, just as a precautionary measure.
Alright true believers, not so much a rant this time, just sharing a little local stupidity. Until next time...wear your kevlar, stay current on your anti ninja training, and for Pete's sake...stay away from the oceanfront at night! Stay Salty!
-Salty Dog
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
