What's My Name?

What? Yes, I am back again. Don't go getting all used to me being here every week..this has just been a busy time in interesting news.  This next piece of news may not catch any of your fancies, but as I have told you numerous times..this isn't about you! So what is it that brings me to the keyboard today? Is it to debate which is a more ridiculous Olympic sport; curling or handball? Is it to prepare you for the impending Zombie Apocalypse? (see www.torresvszombies.com) Is it once again to plead with you all to petition Netflix to show BJ and the Bear? Nay nay...what brings me here today is the question of "What's My Name?"

All of you who actually know me, know that I love hip hop. Not this new shit that they try to pass off as hip hop, but REAL old school hip hop. All the big hip hop artists are known by their rap names more than by their real names. Many of you now know the name Joseph Simmons because he had a TV show, but for decades he was known simply as RUN. To this day rapper, movie star, and TV star LL Cool J still goes by LL Cool J, rather than James Todd Smith. Andre Romelle Young has sold millions of albums under the name Dr. Dre, and he is still Dr. Dre. But those aren't the guys that brought me here. The ones that brought me to write are the ones that get so famous that they change their name. Not always their real name, but the one that made them famous; the one by which everyone knows them.

All of you, by now, should know my least favorite one of these people...PDDFL. For those new readers out there, that is Puff Diddy Daddy Farty Licky. I don't even know what name he is going by now, the last I heard it was Swag. Then there was Prince...well, the artist formerly known as Prince... or  call me Prince again..whatever that little purple clothes wearing midget is calling himself these days. It isn't limited to the rap industry, either...who remembers the name Chris Jackson? Sorry, Mahmoud Abdul Rauf. I won't go into Cassius Clay because you all knew him as Muhammad Ali, or Lew Alcindor because you all knew him as Kareem Abdul Jabbar. Garth Brooks as Chris Gaines? Yeah, that was a great career move. But today....today I am here to talk about someone you all know as Snoop D-O-double G. The Doggfather. No more! Has he found god? Nay. Has he made his pilgrimage to Mecca? Nay. Has he run out of "Dog" references? Nay nay...he went to Jamaica.

What the hell does going to Jamaica have to do with his name? Snoop went to Jamaica in February, and had a "spiritual awakening" (read: he got REALLY high). He was then rechristened (as if he was ever "christened" Snoop Dog) Snoop Lion by a Rastafarian priest. In a quote from Snoop (insert animal here) he said, “I didn't know that until I went to the temple, where the High Priest asked me what my name was, and I said, ‘Snoop Dogg.’ And he looked me in my eyes and said, ‘No more. You are the light; you are the lion.’ From that moment on, it's like I had started to understand why I was there.” So now, Snoop will bury the "Dogg" and embrace the "Lion". Are we all supposed to buy this shit? You have made your entire market around the use of the word Dogg, and the people have followed you. Now they are supposed to switch and start following the lead of Snoop Lion? Does that mean that your friend, and humble narrator should switch his name to Salty Lion? Nay nay, my good people..that means that Snoop (insert different animal here) has gone the way of PDDFL in my book.

When you become famous, it's like being at Cheers; everybody knows your (animal) name. When you become OVERLY famous, you become pretentious and you change your name to make people talk about you. No such thing as bad publicity I guess. No worries, my faithful few, if I ever become famous I will still be your Salty Dog. I will not forsake you all and become Salty Kitty, Salty Lion, Salty Snail, or EVER Salty PDDFL. Until next time.....Stay Salty.

-Salt Dog