Okay, so there I was....which is how most good stories start out....there I was, minding my own business, watching the Idiot Box. Well, more like listening to the idiot box and messing around on the computer. "What did you hear?", you may be asking. Well let me tell you....
It was about 2 months ago, and I heard a word that you don't normally hear in the fine Hampton Roads area, let alone on television....Poughkeepsie (Puh-kip-see). For those of you who don't know about Poughkeepsie, let me give you a quick run down. If you are making a trip from New York City to Albany (for whatever reason you had to go there), and you cruise along the Hudson River....right about in the middle, you will find Poughkeepsie, NY. Poughkeepsie is an Indian (feather indian, not forehead dot indian) word meaning "the reed covered lodge by the little-water place". Who have you ever heard of that was from there? Well, I lived next door for 19 years...but let me give you some "famous" people from Poughkeepsie. Brian Regan...funny comedian, mildly famous, Samuel Morse (lived in Poughkeepsie for 25 years), Kendall Francois (serial killer), G. Gordon Liddy (of Watergate fame) and Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi. (if I were one for bad 80s references, I would call her Nicole Scritti Polizzi...but I am not that kind of guy..lol)
The reason I heard Poughkeepsie on the television is because it was the opening scene to "The Jersey Shore". Unless you have been living under a rock (and if you were, you were lucky enough not to watch this train wreck) you have heard of the show Jersey Shore. Don't get me wrong, I watched every episode! The pain that I felt from watching every episode could only be described as comparable to shoving a ladle up your own ass. But dammit if I didn't suffer the pain just to watch these self proclaimed Guidos make complete asses of themselves on national television. When you have a guy calling himself "The Situation" based on the nickname he has given to his own abdominal muscles...you know you are in for a good time. But I digress...
Snooki...this is what started me off. Snooki has proclaimed herself the Princess of Poughkeepsie. She was the most irritating individual on this show. Snooki is an orange, obnoxious, dim-witted celebrity creature of the sort that our pop culture churns out endlessly. And she is from Poughkeepsie!! Now, on my birth certificate, it says place of birth St Francis Hospital, Poughkeepsie, NY. I now have to claim this troll!!! So you would think that since the show was over I would live this down around work, right? Nay Nay...
I hear on the local radio station that old Snooki is coming to Hampton Roads! WHAT? Snooki is coming to town tomorrow to host a Valentine's Party at a local club. 2,000 dollars to bring her to this fine city. Rent a Snook will be here to take pictures with guests and presumably fist pump her way into the hearts of the lonely. New York royalty rolling down the strip at the Beach.
Your humble narrator will be locked safely in his home with a book in one hand (Snookis are known to fear such things) and a bottle of white out in the other (her fake tan can't stand up to that!). Wish me luck true believers, with the Pride of Poughkeepsie coming to town, no one is safe! Until next time...stay salty!
-Salty Dog
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Thanks Coach!
ReplyDeleteSnooki sounds like an old drinking game you and I might have once played - like 3 man or quarters. I have seen this chick - she's all over the place like chicken shit. I find it funny that she's the "Princess of Poughkeepsie" when she went to Marlboro High School. She looks like the kind of girl that would be blowing guys in the corridor behind the gym during lunch and study hall.
ReplyDeleteGo - meet this chick and tell her "Okay, Princess of Poughkeepsie, where is the only place in Poughkeepsie that you can still buy Cisco? What little sandwich shop is right across the street from Krieger Elementary? If she can't answer either of those, throttle her with a can of spray tan.