Run Faster, Jump Higher

Welcome back kiddies. I am here today to discuss with you the topic of energy drinks. I consider myself an expert in the subject, because over the years I think I have tried just about every energy drink that came to my area. I have tried them in other countries as well (one of my favorites was in Turkey...but made in the Netherlands...it was called Red Devil). They fill a need in America more than anywhere else. The need to run faster, jump higher, get more done in the same amount of time....29 hours of work in a 24 hour day. The land of milk and honey is now the land of Guarana and Taurine.

The first energy drink that I remember was Jolt Cola. It wasn't labeled as an "energy drink" back in the 80s, nay nay...it was just soda. But it was a special soda with "all the sugar and twice the caffeine". This was their actual marketing campaign! Do you know what though? It worked. People all over the place bought Jolt Cola. They bought it in bottles, cans, two liters...and the ever popular THREE LITER bottles. Jolt Cola tasted like 12 buckets of smashed ass holes. You damned near had to chew it, it was that thick. But screw the world...we drank it, and we liked it! We loved it! Then, just as quickly as it arrived, it was gone. Jolt came under such scrutiny that they had to take it off the shelves and go underground.

Red Bull....gives you wings, right? This is the number one selling energy drink in the United States. It has been the number one seller since it hit the market. How is this possible when it tastes like sucking on a set of wet car keys? Is it the awesome commercials? Nay nay. They were the first ones in the new energy drink market, and they were the first ones in the bars and clubs. This means Red Bull and Vodka were a logical choice... and their reputation was solidified. The mixing of a stimulant and a depressant is always a good choice...no, that's right, it isn't.

The main ingredient in these drinks is sugar. We all know what sugar will do for you. The next is caffeine. We know that caffeine will speed you up a bit...depending on your tolerance. Then we get into the world of stuff that no one knows what the hell it is or does, but the more of these you see on an energy drink label, the more apt people are to buy them. Taurine. What in the blue hell is Taurine, and what does it do? Taurine is an amino acid that supports neurological development and helps regulate the level of water and mineral salts in the blood. Taurine is also thought to have antioxidant properties. What purpose does that have in an energy drink? Absolutely none! Just like Creatine and Ginko. The minute amounts that actually go into each can makes no impact on the consumer, whatsoever.

Why do we drink them. I will say "we" because to this day, I continue to waste my money on these stupid products. I can say it is for research purposes, so that I can share with you guys...but it is honestly because I am trying to find one that works. When I was a kid, I drank Jolt....and it worked. Jolt spun me like a top. So as I stroll the aisles of my local convenience store....I see it. It has made its triumphant return. Jolt! Is it in two and three liter bottles? Nay nay...Jolt has reinvented itself as Jolt Energy Drink. Not only do they have the original 12 buckets of smashed ass hole flavor, but now they have orange, grape, and blue raspberry. Blue raspberry....remember snow cones (or Slush Puppies for my New York followers)? Remember the blue one, and how good it was to just drink the syrup after it had melted? Add carbonation and put it in a can, kiddies, and you have the new Jolt Blue Bolt.

So the energy drink world has come full circle. The originator....well before its time...has returned. If you want to relive your childhood, go grab a Jolt Cola flavored energy drink. My one request...as I mention childhood.. please stop letting your kids drink this shit. As I said, a lot of what goes into them hasn't been proven to do anything....but it hasn't been proven NOT to either. Guarana has been known to cause rapid heart beat....don't let your 12 year old slug a few Monsters because they think it's cool. Step up and be a parent. Sorry, didn't mean to get all high and mighty there. Hard to do as I am drinking a Jolt Wired Grape while writing this. So since I am looking for feedback (mostly to confirm that anyone is still reading).... what is your favorite energy drink? Do you let your kids drink them? What is the dumbest thing you have done after drinking them? For your Jolt recipes please see http://www.joltenergy.com/concoctions.html  Until next time....Stay Salty.

-Salty Dog