Welcome back everyone! It has been a few months since I have sat here and vented my complaints about the world to you....so I am back...from outer space...(sorry, possessed by Gloria Gaynor there for a second). And what is it that has brought me from the depths of homework and spending time with my family to the screen today? Is it that I have figured out how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop? Is it that one half of the Airwolf crew died and it wasn't even in a blazing helicopter crash (what a let down)? Is it my ongoing battle to get BJ and the Bear on Netflix? Nay to the Nay. What brings me here today is the phenomenon that is "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Let me begin by saying, nay, I have not read these books. I don't have the desire to read them either; they are written for women, and that is who should read them. These books have been labelled "mom porn". The media is eating this up and making even MORE women want to run out and get this book. All every woman wants, be it mother, senator, nun....is to find out what is between the pages of these books! Whoever this woman's marketing person is, they need a raise! It isn't like this is the first women's porn book, or even the first with S&M (see Anne Rice's "Sleeping Beauty" trilogy), but this was related to Twilight...and you know how the women love them some sparkly vampires. This book was a work of Twilight fan fiction that went horribly...right, I guess. Fan fiction is a great thing...it's kind of like sitting around a campfire and exploring all of the "what ifs" from your favorite stories. For example...what if Bruce Wayne lost all of his money? Then you would branch from there...and eventually write a story of Broke Ass Batman...or something of the sort.
Now that you know about the book (as if you didn't already)...I can tell you what brought me here. It was not the book, itself, but how it has apparently angered someone. Raymond Hodgson (31) of Carlisle, UK decided that he had a problem! His long time girlfriend (Emma McCormick...yes McCormick..ironic, but you don't know why yet) decided to start reading the passages of the book out loud to him. Now let's pause here....has your significant other ever been reading and said, "listen to this...." and then proceeded to read to you the funny part? It is fairly normal for this to happen to couples. Okay...back to the lab... SO, this guy decides that what he is hearing is dirty and wrong, and his girlfriend shouldn't be reading it. An argument ensues and he leaves the premises.
Hodgson returned the next day after sleeping on it. Did he say, "it's just a book, why am I so upset?" Did he say, "I've seen some crazy porn in my day, that was nothing." Nay nay...he said, "Saucy? I'll show this bitch SAUCY!" So he gets in his car and drives over to Ms. McCormick's (irony coming soon!) home. He continues the argument and in an act of premeditated saucing, pulls out a bottle of steak sauce and squirts her in the face with it! I wonder what brand of sauce it was....possibly McCormick's? Hodgson was ordered to pay her $150 in compensation and cover her $130
in legal fees, and given a 6pm curfew for a month and a half. The guy is 31 years old and has a 6pm curfew? Does he still live with his mom? Is this HER punishment for him?
Anyway...there is no message today, just a need to share the story about this dumbass. So until next time...keep reading the Fifty Shades books, stay away from sparkly vampires, and BJ and the Bear, dammit! Oh yeah...and Stay Salty!
-Salty Dog
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