Spitballs of Mass Destruction

So...here we are again. We really have to stop meeting like this. No, I am kidding...please keep coming back! Anyway...what kind of title is this? What could I possibly have to say about spitballs? What am I, 14? Nay nay, but Andrew Mikel is. What? You don't know who Andrew Mikel is? I didn't either; until Melanie decided to send me a link to a Fox Noise story about this kid in Spotsylvania,Virginia KNOWING that I would put my fingers to the keys shortly thereafter. So, to sound like that creepy guy on the opening to Law and Order SVU... "This is his story" (bong bong).

Andrew is a 14 year old Freshman at Spotsylvania High School in Spotsylvania,VA (not the home of Whattsa Matta U) For those of you who just missed the Whattsa Matta U reference, for your own safety...turn back now. Andrew is an honor student, he is a member of the ROTC, and plans to apply to the Naval Academy upon graduation. All in all, this sounds like a good, solid, ambitious kid. This is not the type of kid that you are going to find huffing glue in the boys bathroom. So...what brings us to talk about young Andrew Mikel today?

Andrew was hanging out at lunch with some other kids (as most well adjusted teenagers do). He reaches into his bag and pulls out a pen, takes out the ink cartridge and inserts little plastic spitballs. I know..not paper, but plastic!! How dare he? Does he think he is an Amazonian Indian? Is he descended from some African Pygmies? Nay nay...he is just a normal 14 year old boy. He used this high powered weapon of mass destruction to blow these little plastic balls at speeds exceeding 20 feet per second to shoot three classmates. Did these spitballs hit them in the eye? Did they scar them for life mentally? Will they never be able to pull down their Ken doll's pants (hint..plastic balls....) again? I say nay nay...none of this happened, yet this kid is being suspended for the remainder of the school year due to a zero tolerance policy in the school. But wait, there's more! The Spotsylvania Sheriff's Department has filed three counts of misdemeanor assault on this poor kid. For shooting three kids with spitballs!! They said that they felt a pinch or a sting when they were hit. Not that they were broken or bleeding, but they felt a pinch and now this kid's future is going to be ruined?

When we were kids, we got into fist fights in school. What happened? We got in school suspension, or we got a couple of days at home. We got our asses kicked by our parents when the word got home, and that was worse than anything the school would do to us. I had in school suspension multiple times when I was in High School. I think I turned out okay. To file assault charges against this honor student with hopes of a military future is insane! It isn't like the kid brought a gun to school..or even a knife...no, he had a pen and some plastic balls. He is not a trained blowgun terrorist from the Amazon, he is a kid! His dad is a former Seabee in the Navy, and a former Marine. I am pretty sure he could have handled his son at home and he would never have done this again. Instead, he is looking at assault charges, and who knows...terrorism?

I understand that after (in best Rudy Giuliani voice)"9-11" a lot of new rules were put in place to protect us all from terrorists and ourselves. The TSA, the metal detectors in schools, the zero tolerance on weapons policies...I get that. What I don't get is who these people think they are that they can expel and arrest this kid because he shot spitballs at classmates? So a pen tube, plastic balls, and some air from the kids lungs is potentially going to cost an honor student his chance at becoming a Naval officer. Step back from the policies people and look at your offender. He is a 14 year old kid, doing what 14 year old kids have always done. It isn't like 7 kids beat up a 13 year old and put it on youtube. Nay, that is a different topic altogether. Someone needs to grab these administrators by the short ones and straighten them out. Until next time....Stay Salty.

-Salty Dog