Video Games Ruining Your Life

Welcome back children...we are on the road again. Your friend and humble narrator is a large proponent of video games. I have played every system from the original TelStar (pong), all the way up to the PS3. There is not a video game system that I have not played at least once. I owned many of them between my youth and my current status..whatever that may be. I now own a PS2, PS3, and Wii. My children each have a DSi and my oldest has a PSP. Video games are a part of life as we know it.

Games have increased mental focus, eye/hand coordination, and in some cases....intelligence. I know that there are educational games and systems geared at teaching children reading and math. But now..your Federal Government is getting involved in the video gaming world! They are spending approximately $435,000 of YOUR money to develop an avatar based video game to help pre teen girls resist the peer pressure to have sex. The University of Central Florida which is best known for.....being in the middle of Florida??...is working on this yet to be named game with a scheduled release for 2011.

The game will reward you with points for certain social skill tasks performed in a virtual world. Is this a Sims type game where you watch your character walk around the screen and talk to people? Nay nay! You will be wearing a full motion capture suit that will put you in the skin of a teenage girl (a la Leatherface). You are then put in teen girl situations like, walking around the mall, or going to a party, or moping around dressed in black, all emo-like. Then in come the evil boys...trying to get at your goods!! A boy may come up to you and ask you to make out...or he may make some innuendo..your job?? RESIST!

This game is sure to become a hit, and girls all over the world will learn the skills that they need to resist boys' advances! But what if this game works TOO well? What if this message carries over to later in the girl's life and women all over the world refuse to get down due to the insidious influence of anti-sex mo-cap suit gaming? Society will devolve into chaos just like the movie Children of Men, and within a single generation all human life will be extinguished. Good job University of Central Florida, you have doomed all of humanity!

While video games are a great source of stress relief, entertainment, and education....so is sex! Let's not let the "braniacs" at such institutes of higher learning as the University of Central Florida destroy all that this country has worked to create! Who's coming with me? Let us put a stop to this insanity before it is too late! Until next time campers....Stay Salty.

-Salty Dog