Fat Boys Are Back

Welcome back, faithful few. It is that time of year when everyone sets unrealistic goals that they have no plans of following through on. But, as many of you may be saying to yourself now, "This year is going to be different!" So what brings fingers to keys? Is it the death of a dumb ass paparazzo trying to catch Justin Bieber smoking weed in his Ferrari? Is it to compare the fiscal cliff to Clifford the Big Red Dog? Is it to chastise you all for not getting me the BJ and the Bear series for Christmas? Let's start this year off with a hearty "Nay Nay". I am here today to talk about how fat I've gotten, and what I am going to do about it.

When I joined the Navy in 1991 I was 19 years old and 137lbs. Now, for those of you that knew me back then, you know I was a bit underweight. After 18 years of marriage (read: good eating), 4 knee surgeries (read: no exercise), and being 41 years old (read: just plain lazy) I have reached Hindenburg proportions and now tip the scales at 257lbs! I understand that as we get older, our metabolism slows and blah blah blah...I have become a member of the Disco Three (read: Fat Boys). The fact that it is early January has nothing to do with my plan to reach a healthier weight of 185.  The mirror was the driving force more than the time of year.

I have a new pool, and I refuse to be sunning myself poolside and have to worry about Greenpeace rushing in to my yard and pushing me back in the water. I do not wish to be featured on an episode of Whale Wars. I will instead, starve myself, drink enough water to drown a fish, buy one of those belt driven fat machines (seen here), or whatever it takes to get myself back to fighting weight. My plan is to be down around 200 by Summer. For any of you (like Bill) who are on this journey with me...let's kick some fat ass! Don't do it because it's January and you think you are supposed to. Don't do it because Jessica Simpson is on TV telling you that SHE did it. Do it because you know, and can admit, that you are a fat ass and you need to change. For all of you guys out there...as you recall, Mix-A-Lot likes big butts. Do you want to be on his list? Are you looking to make your woman check you out, or do you want to hook up with Mix-A-Lot?  Either way is cool with me, but is Mix on my list? I say nay nay.

So fat people of the world UNITE...it is time to lose the weight. And I swear, if I get down to 185 SOMEBODY had better get me the BJ and the Bear series on DVD. Until next time people...Stay Salty!

-Salty Dog