Overalls with one strap on and one strap off...yeah, I did it. Cross Colors outfits..I saw them everywhere. Acid wash jeans, for the young ones...just google this stuff. There are so many more fads/trends from my youth and teen years that I could go into here. Born in 1971, I AM a child of the 80s. We even had a cool name for our age group...we are Generation X! VH1 did not one, but TWO week long series about the decade that I came of age. We are (not unlike the generations before us) a memorable generation, to say the least.
What the hell am I on about? Where am I going with this? Who really cares what I have to say about anything anyway? I am sure that at least one of these questions has crossed your mind while reading this...or any of my other blog entries. So as I eluded to earlier...I am a big concert goer. Some of these concerts are full blown, all day festivals. Wednesday brought me to the Rockstar Energy Drink Mayhem Festival. This was an awesome show....but it was also the reason for my blog.
As I strolled around the Virginia Beach Amphitheater, I ran into a 13 or 14 year old girl wearing a Poison tshirt. No, young ones, the shirt itself was not poison...it was a concert shirt from the 80s band Poison. This shirt was brand new...let me say that again...band from the 80s...shirt brand new. Where would a person find a shirt like this in new, unused condition? Does this child even know who the band is? Does the child KNOW that it is a band even???? I cruise around further and see matching..yes I said matching...Ernesto Che Guevara shirts. Again, on 13-14 year olds! Do they know that his first name isn't "Che"? Do they know that "Che" isn't even a name? No...damned Hot Topic sales people! So I continue on.....
What to my wondering eyes should appear? The massive group of Korn fans...my favorite group of creepy little self loathers....the emo kids. I am so disgusted by this group of kids that I own a shirt that says "I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself!" The emo kids are running around (or moping around) in their skinny jeans (see the Fast Food blog), stupid piercings, androgynous look, fake tattoos, black cloud hanging over their head, and almost as much hatred for themselves as I have for them all. This whole "emo thing" is their fad...their generations defining moment...something they will look back on and say "what the phuq was I thinking?!". Where did these kids come from? How do their parents let them out of the house looking/acting like this? I have a 10 year old and 6 year old son. If they EVER dressed/acted like this, I would club them like baby seals. So, Generation Emo...how will you be remembered? You won't. You are a lost generation. You either dress in "retro" clothes from good ole Generation X (having no idea what you are actually wearing), or your guys are wearing girl's pants and trying to say that they are still heterosexual. My recommendation to you is simple....wake up!! I am fortunate to have sons...but I know people that have daughters. They are going to check you out on Facebook when you come calling for their daughters. They are going to think that their daughters are dating other girls...and UGLY ones at that! Stop making me want to beat you over the head with your own Gene Simmons platform boots. Shut up....be happy! There is absolutely nothing in your life that is THAT BAD! So go home, wash the makeup off of your face son, wash your damned hair and get it cut, get some pants that fit you (and don't look like you just painted them on), pick a color that isn't black and maybe....just maybe...you will find out what it is like to kiss a real girl someday!
Okay kiddies...the ride has come to a halt. I need something to drink after that one. If you see these kids in your area, please feel free to slap them in the back of their greasy heads and tell them it is from me. Tell them to wake up and make the choice...live for something, or die for nothing. Until next time, true believers... Stay Salty.
-Salty Dog
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