Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Monster Mash

Welcome back true believers! I am sorry to have left you all, but I have been busy getting my education on. What is it that brings my fingers back to keys on this fine October night? Is it the latest knock down, drag out fight that was the Presidential debate? Is it my overwhelming urge to ride in to battle on a horse armed with a bayonet? Is it once again to plead for your assistance in sharing my outrage that BJ and the Bear is STILL not on Netflix? Nay nay good people, it is the public outcry for justice over Monster Energy Drinks and their competitors.

Let me preface this mess by saying that anyone dying (except pedophiles and PDDFL) is no laughing matter. That being said, who lets their 14 year old...with a genetic heart condition..drink two Monster Energy Drinks in a day? As you can all see from the picture above, Monster posts a warning label on their cans stating "Not recommended for children, pregnant women, or people sensitive to caffeine." If you ignore these warnings, you cannot then sue the company for the death of your child.... who once again, has a genetic heart condition. The only thing that would make this decision worse is if the girl was pregnant too. Call me insensitive if you will, but I am not the one who let my 14 year old (with heart problems) drink 480mg of caffeine in a single day. While that is only 4 cups of strong coffee, it also equates to about 28 cans of Coke. So would any of you let your child drink more than a case of Coke in a day? I say nay nay.

Am I a nay sayer when it comes to energy drinks? More like a nay nay sayer, but not when energy drinks are involved. I am a huge fan of caffeine and all of its carbonated or non carbonated incarnations. I love my coffee, I have tried most every energy drink that has hit the market, I have ingested more caffeine pills than I have vegetables in the past 20 years; I am a caffeine junkie! On that topic, I am also 40 years old and know my limits. When I begin to shake like Michael J Fox, I know that I have had enough. I may be destroying my liver in the process, but I can't do any more damage than the daily allowance of Vitamin M (read Motrin) that the Navy put me on for 10 years.

If you are going to drink Monsters, or anything of the sort, go right ahead...and enjoy. Be careful with the purple ones, they somehow turn your shat to British Racing Green liquid. If there is a new drink that hits the market that doesn't taste like Red Bull (read wet car keys), please let me know so that I can try it. Please be your kid's parent, not their friend, and keep them away from this shit. If you DO let them drink energy drinks, monitor their intake, check their medical history, and don't try to sue others due to your own negligence if something goes wrong. If your kids have already stocked up on such beverages, feel free to mail them to me. I will dispose of them in the proper receptacle. Until next time...Stay Salty.

-Salty Dog