Welcome back true believers! I have just finished pouring steak sauce on my digital copy of Fifty Shades of Gray. The downside to that is that I now have to clean it out of my keyboard (the steak sauce that is). So what is it that brings fingers to those steak sauce coated keys today? Is it to declare to the world that Mitt Romney is an android of C-3PO proportions? Is it to talk about high waisted midgets wearing red pants? Is it once again to plead with you all to petition Netflix to stream BJ and the Bear? Nay nay.....it is to talk about the city that I hate most in the world (mostly for sports affiliation reasons); Boston, MA.
Let me start by stating that gay or straight, black or white, (or Olive...Terence) everyone should have the same rights in this country. This is the land of the free, the home of the brave...you know the song. If you live in this country; whether born here, immigrated here, floated here on a raft made of toilet paper rolls and old phone book pages...however you got here....you are here. Bring me your poor, your tired, your huddled massess yearning to be free? Anyone...ring any bells? But this is not about immigration, this is about Chick Fil A! How in the hell could this be about Chick Fil A? Let me begin the story....
Chick Fil A (great chicken sandwiches, slick marketing using the cows with sandwich boards) is a highly religious organization. They are closed on Sundays, they are family oriented, and when they serve you...it is their pleasure (just listen when you say "thank you"). The Chick Fil A President (Dan Cathy) has been on record stating that he (and his company) is pro god, and therefore anti-gay. I am not going to go in to a religious rant, even though religion makes good comedy. I am going to say that donating money to "anti-gay" organizations is not great for business, Danny Boy. I am not going to try to defend my statements by saying "I have gay friends", just like I would never defend racist statements by saying "I have black friends"...but I DO have friends..that happen to be gay. When it comes to my friends, it is like messing with my family....you aren't going to do it and get away with it. How does any of this relate to Boston?
May 17th, 2004 Massachusetts began allowing same sex marriages (strangely, then Robotic Governor Mitt Romney was at the helm). From this day on, Massachusetts has been (for lack of a better term) Gay Friendly. This is something that people have grown quite accustomed to. So, when Chick Fil A (anti-gay cows, remember?) decided that they wanted to open up shop in the metropolis that is Boston...Mayor Tom Menino said, you guessed it, "Nay nay". Does he have the power to keep out large companies that could help his local economy (and serve some mean chicken sandwiches) because he doesn't believe in what they stand for? Just ask Wal Mart. He kept them out of the area just because he didn't like their labor policies. Hmmm...Wal Mart...another bible thumping company kept out of Boston. I am beginning to like this guy Menino even more! So let us review here... religious grocery store? Nay. Religious chicken stand? Nay. Is Boston anti religion all of a sudden? Sorry, had to get a swipe in at the home of the hated Red Sox. I can't have you guys liking Boston all of a sudden.
Once again...chicken - good, gay hating cows - bad. Is this going to stop me from eating at Chick Fil A? Nay...I am not that politically motivated to do ANYTHING. Will I support Tom Menino is his decision to keep them out of Boston for the sake of preserving his "gay friendly" appearance? Hell yes. There is no one in this country that should be treated any differently just because they like members of the same sex. I think Dan Cathy is just upset that no gay guys have ever hit on him, and this is his way to get back at them. Just because he isn't gay (or is he a classic self loather?) doesn't mean he wouldn't like to get hit on to make him feel wanted! Okay children...it is time for me to make like a tree and get out of here. Until next time...Stay Salty!
-Salty Dog
Monday, July 23, 2012
Saturday, July 14, 2012
50 Shades of Grey and 1 Shade of Brown?
Welcome back everyone! It has been a few months since I have sat here and vented my complaints about the world to you....so I am back...from outer space...(sorry, possessed by Gloria Gaynor there for a second). And what is it that has brought me from the depths of homework and spending time with my family to the screen today? Is it that I have figured out how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop? Is it that one half of the Airwolf crew died and it wasn't even in a blazing helicopter crash (what a let down)? Is it my ongoing battle to get BJ and the Bear on Netflix? Nay to the Nay. What brings me here today is the phenomenon that is "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Let me begin by saying, nay, I have not read these books. I don't have the desire to read them either; they are written for women, and that is who should read them. These books have been labelled "mom porn". The media is eating this up and making even MORE women want to run out and get this book. All every woman wants, be it mother, senator, nun....is to find out what is between the pages of these books! Whoever this woman's marketing person is, they need a raise! It isn't like this is the first women's porn book, or even the first with S&M (see Anne Rice's "Sleeping Beauty" trilogy), but this was related to Twilight...and you know how the women love them some sparkly vampires. This book was a work of Twilight fan fiction that went horribly...right, I guess. Fan fiction is a great thing...it's kind of like sitting around a campfire and exploring all of the "what ifs" from your favorite stories. For example...what if Bruce Wayne lost all of his money? Then you would branch from there...and eventually write a story of Broke Ass Batman...or something of the sort.
Now that you know about the book (as if you didn't already)...I can tell you what brought me here. It was not the book, itself, but how it has apparently angered someone. Raymond Hodgson (31) of Carlisle, UK decided that he had a problem! His long time girlfriend (Emma McCormick...yes McCormick..ironic, but you don't know why yet) decided to start reading the passages of the book out loud to him. Now let's pause here....has your significant other ever been reading and said, "listen to this...." and then proceeded to read to you the funny part? It is fairly normal for this to happen to couples. Okay...back to the lab... SO, this guy decides that what he is hearing is dirty and wrong, and his girlfriend shouldn't be reading it. An argument ensues and he leaves the premises.
Hodgson returned the next day after sleeping on it. Did he say, "it's just a book, why am I so upset?" Did he say, "I've seen some crazy porn in my day, that was nothing." Nay nay...he said, "Saucy? I'll show this bitch SAUCY!" So he gets in his car and drives over to Ms. McCormick's (irony coming soon!) home. He continues the argument and in an act of premeditated saucing, pulls out a bottle of steak sauce and squirts her in the face with it! I wonder what brand of sauce it was....possibly McCormick's? Hodgson was ordered to pay her $150 in compensation and cover her $130 in legal fees, and given a 6pm curfew for a month and a half. The guy is 31 years old and has a 6pm curfew? Does he still live with his mom? Is this HER punishment for him?
Anyway...there is no message today, just a need to share the story about this dumbass. So until next time...keep reading the Fifty Shades books, stay away from sparkly vampires, and BJ and the Bear, dammit! Oh yeah...and Stay Salty!
-Salty Dog
Let me begin by saying, nay, I have not read these books. I don't have the desire to read them either; they are written for women, and that is who should read them. These books have been labelled "mom porn". The media is eating this up and making even MORE women want to run out and get this book. All every woman wants, be it mother, senator, nun....is to find out what is between the pages of these books! Whoever this woman's marketing person is, they need a raise! It isn't like this is the first women's porn book, or even the first with S&M (see Anne Rice's "Sleeping Beauty" trilogy), but this was related to Twilight...and you know how the women love them some sparkly vampires. This book was a work of Twilight fan fiction that went horribly...right, I guess. Fan fiction is a great thing...it's kind of like sitting around a campfire and exploring all of the "what ifs" from your favorite stories. For example...what if Bruce Wayne lost all of his money? Then you would branch from there...and eventually write a story of Broke Ass Batman...or something of the sort.
Now that you know about the book (as if you didn't already)...I can tell you what brought me here. It was not the book, itself, but how it has apparently angered someone. Raymond Hodgson (31) of Carlisle, UK decided that he had a problem! His long time girlfriend (Emma McCormick...yes McCormick..ironic, but you don't know why yet) decided to start reading the passages of the book out loud to him. Now let's pause here....has your significant other ever been reading and said, "listen to this...." and then proceeded to read to you the funny part? It is fairly normal for this to happen to couples. Okay...back to the lab... SO, this guy decides that what he is hearing is dirty and wrong, and his girlfriend shouldn't be reading it. An argument ensues and he leaves the premises.
Hodgson returned the next day after sleeping on it. Did he say, "it's just a book, why am I so upset?" Did he say, "I've seen some crazy porn in my day, that was nothing." Nay nay...he said, "Saucy? I'll show this bitch SAUCY!" So he gets in his car and drives over to Ms. McCormick's (irony coming soon!) home. He continues the argument and in an act of premeditated saucing, pulls out a bottle of steak sauce and squirts her in the face with it! I wonder what brand of sauce it was....possibly McCormick's? Hodgson was ordered to pay her $150 in compensation and cover her $130 in legal fees, and given a 6pm curfew for a month and a half. The guy is 31 years old and has a 6pm curfew? Does he still live with his mom? Is this HER punishment for him?
Anyway...there is no message today, just a need to share the story about this dumbass. So until next time...keep reading the Fifty Shades books, stay away from sparkly vampires, and BJ and the Bear, dammit! Oh yeah...and Stay Salty!
-Salty Dog
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